DEALING WITH STIGMATIZATION AND REMARRIAGE

 

 

 

Recently I had a discussion with young widows and few friends, who usually call to speak with me after reading the blog, before the conversation ended, I had to ask, why they preferred to call, rather than share or post a comment for other readers to learn from and be blessed from their experiences, the response wasn’t surprising at all; it was familiar.  The same words I heard from the sympathizers; usually ideas based on cultural beliefs and traditions laid down by men for their own advantage.  Belief that leads to a submission to be treated badly and consequent frustration if one isn’t careful.

Here is what she says; “I was quickly stripped of my rights and privileges; as if that wasn’t enough the family has asked me to stop using the family name; a name I was known with for years. The truth is talking about widowhood freely and publicly is difficult; the most frustrating aspect is dealing with the accusations from the in-laws.  Some people who do not know the true story still avoid me today.  Even those I thought were my friends stayed away because they didn’t want to explain been seen with me”.

“I have been stigmatized for being a widow”; she continues, “So why will I expose myself even more on social media?  I would rather be silent about it, since I have no children and intend to remarry, talking about it, will stand as a barrier to my happiness and moving on…”

I could feel her hurt from her voice as we spoke. “Ufuoma you are fortunate; my life has not changed for the better since my husband died, but I have tried to move on, regardless my pain” another said.

Proverb 3:5-6; "Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge him; and he shall direct thy paths.

It is important to know that for positive change to begin, we must make God the centre of our lives, by absolutely trusting Him. We cannot live this life of faith without trusting and depending on the Lord, in other to effectively win psychological battles, overcome mental obstacles, and see physical barriers in their true light; you have to trust completely in Jesus, Who is the source and vital force behind our faith.

 You will see that as you seek Him and allow Him access to the deepest desires of your heart which by the way, He already knows, He will intervene on your behalf, as long as they honour Him.

A friend confided in me, telling me how helpless and indecisive she has become, a lady who is less than 40 years of age with three children.  She lamented over the challenges of caring for the children alone with no one asking about their welfare.  Indeed pain crushes, my self-esteem has been battered, and her in-laws told her that the children will be taken from her if she tries to remarry, because they wouldn’t want their late brother’s children to be brought up in another man’s home.

Rather than resist them she silently gave in to them; when I prodded she said “Ufuoma what do you want me to say, I am incapable of helping myself…”  This fine woman has allowed her identify to be defined by the misfortune of losing her husband because that is what tradition tells her to do. Then she tells me how she takes solace in my ability to tell my story weekly believing there is a way out, and that God has not forgotten her too.

 1 Samuel 25; Abigail was a woman of integrity, who walked in obedience and love, she courageously stood in gap for members for his household to prevent them from being killed by David and his men, above all she can best be described as the strength of her husband. She suddenly became widowed shortly after the incident between her husband Nabal who spitefully insulted David and his men regardless of the help and protection they rendered to his men in the wilderness.

I believe many would have blamed Abigail for the death of her husband’s death were it in today’s society.   “Why would you tell Nabal what David planned to do to him, after you saved the day, her in laws would have asked.  Imagine what they would say and probably do when they find out she was remarrying the same David? 

But Abigail did what was best for her destiny, by accepting to marry David, and moving on, without allowing tradition and the people who couldn’t help keep her in misery.

No one can take away your pain… so don’t let them take away your happiness. Let God direct your path by abiding in him.

So look up from where you have fallen, look up to the hills from whence your help comes.  Our help is in the Lord God of Heaven and He will do as He has said concerning you, in Jesus name.

I await your thoughts on how to find hope when everything seems hopeless.  Email me on comfortofcomfort@gmail.com.

You are loved.

Peace