REACTIONS AND RESPONSES

Welcome.  

How have you held up since the last post? It is my sincere prayer that the pain dulls sometime too.  Today I want us to look at reactions and responses.  Someone sent me a message asking what the reactions of those around me were at the time.  

When things like this happen, I found out you have a lot more than just yourself to consider.  In my case there was my aging mother, my brothers and sister, and my friends on the one hand then there were those who for lack of a better description I will call the Vultures.  My mother was worried stiff, she knew how close knit I was with Charles and she didn’t think I would survive it.  My brothers worried about tradition, they wondered if those six years of my life were wasted (because unfortunately I and Charles had no children).  My elder brother kept running from one person to the other doing his utmost best to protect me as best as he knew how.  

The other group was mostly interested in what Charles might have left behind.  I was summoned within a couple of days and asked to produce documents to landed properties, some went to the organization where he worked and quickly submitted a death certificate I didn’t know existed.    All these within the first week of his death!

At a time like this where do you turn to? Who will fight for you because I certainly didn’t have the stamina to fight anyone.  I was blessed with support and wise counsel; I had people tell me consistently that my water may have spilled, but my pot isn’t broken.  I guess I am saying the support and relationships you have prior to a tough time such as the one I described above matters a lot. 

The respect and regards, I enjoyed as Charles wife disappeared, no wonder in 1 Samuel 4:21-22, Eli’s daughter in-law named her newly born child Ichabod, when she heard the news of her husband’s death, “ saying the glory has departed” I felt caged with no hope of freedom. I remembered making a call to a member of the family, who I can say is one of Charles confidant to verify an issue, the harsh response was unbelievable I wondered for a while if Charles could see the events that were unfolding. Then it dawned on me immediately that there was no Charles to protect me anymore.

I felt as if God had forgotten me, my spirit was vexed. I wondered how God could watch and allow me go through the humiliation… is this how you treat those who call on your name? I hollered! For a while I didn’t feel like talking to Him, but because my Bible was on my bed, I flipped open and behold Isaiah 41:10-13

 

“Fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God, I will strengthen you, yes I will help you, I will uphold you with my righteous right hand, behold all those who were incensed against you shall be ashamed and disgraced; they shall be as nothing and those who strive with you shall perish, you shall seek them and not find them, those who war against you shall be as nothing, as a non-existing thing, for I the Lord your God will hold your right hand, saying to you, Fear not I will help you”.

I knew immediately God was speaking, I knew He was right there with me, I breathe a sigh of relieve and never took my eyes off that scripture again. Whenever it felt tough, I reminded Him of His words.

So to answer the question how did I react, I will quickly say that my state of mind didn’t afford me the opportunity to react, instead I responded, so what I could find I handed over to them, some of my friends also took hold of what they could so that I will be able to start over as easy as possible considering.

In Africa and especially in some parts of Nigeria, culture says a wife cannot inherit from her husband; instead his siblings will take what he left and if the widow is lucky will be sent on her way with whatever clothes she had on her at the time the incident happened.

Today’s tip is worship; when your world crumbles and when the vultures swoop you can either react or you can respond, I was fortunate to find someone who pointed me in the direction of worship and that has been my anchor since then.  Even today when it is tough I know to hide myself in worship.  Make sure you surround yourself with people who understand the sovereignty of God and who can not only pray but can worship, it helps.  Also, get worship CDS and let them play constantly around you, they help make the depression and gloom lift.

I make bold to say that despite what they tried to do to me; I lost my husband and friend and they tried to break my spirit but with worship, prayer, a strong support and God showing up in the darkest hours with His Word, today I am more than a survivor I am victorious.

I know it is dark for you; I know the vultures are hovering if they are yet to swoop, I know you have fears and worries, I know you have questions.  The one thing is never get yourself in a space when you have to react, respond with love when you can but keep your focus on God who fights for the fatherless and is the husband of the widow.  He did fight for me, it was years and years after, but he did fight for me and your case cannot be different.

Till next week, hold on God is here, He sees and He knows and He will come and save you…because whether you know it or not today, your life is not over; there is still a lot more for you to become.

You are loved.

Peace