The burial day came sooner than I had hoped.
All the arrangements had been made; travel,
casket, burial rites and all other things I wasn’t privy to. The day preceding the burial we left Lagos
very early for Abraka in Delta State.
All the way, I was so afraid; not knowing how to handle questions about
his death. Even before this day I had
heard wind that I was going to be asked specifically what happened to
Charles. This was extremely uncomfortable
for me to even think of. Did it even
occur to anyone I was far away from where the incident occurred? If I am asked,
what was my answer expected to be? To
say a lot went through my mind is an under-statement. This state of not been sure what to expect was
mental torment for me. However, I was at
the same time filled with the hope that with members of my family around, I
will receive a bit more consoling.
We arrived Abraka
late in the night and I was taken straight to Charles’ family compound where I
would stay till the burial rite was over. Surprisingly I was warmly received,with so
many things going through my mind, I wanted to retire to bed immediately; I wasn’t in in the right frame of mind to
talk to anyone but I cried all night,
why was not in my home town for something different rather than to bury
Charles? Somewhere deep inside I looked forward to see his body; like Mary and
Martha in John 11, I hoped Jesus will show up and intervene. But this was not meant to be, as I never set
my eyes on him again.
I was denied the
opportunity to say goodbye to my husband of six years. Even as I pleaded with
the little strength left in me to be allowed to say a few words in his honour
nobody responded. I started to call him
with a loud voice, but of course he was dead and couldn’t hear me anymore. It seemed like right before my eyes he
disappeared from sight and my life was left empty. There are no words to describe how I felt
that fateful day. I needed this closure
but none thought to give it.
Support was indeed great from both family and friends for a
while but within 3 days after the burial, everyone had traveled back to their
stations and I was left alone sitting on the floor in that room. I remember asking the only person left with
me, what next was expected of me traditionally and she looked at my in
pain...was silent for a while, then said “I don’t know either, those to sit for
the meeting with the elders, have also traveled back to Lagos and you can’t be
left alone here; I believe you will be advised to go back to your family”. She whispered.
That day I can dropped the mask I had put
on for people and the raw emotions showed and I wept like I had never wept
before. Yet even on the floor where I
was alone and in deep pain I could still
hear God say, my grace is sufficient for you, for my strength is made perfect
in your weakness 2 Corinthian 12:9.
I knew the wisest thing to
do was to turn completely to God; all I
could do, was ask for grace continuously, depending and relying on Him for help.
So maybe you are not in
this very raw place of pain or perhaps your pain is even deeper than I am able
to describe; the word of God says there is no temptation come upon man that is
peculiar. Someone else has gone through
something similar and they survived…as matter of fact they prevailed. You can too, let your focus be on how you
will respond in all of this… look unto Jesus the author and finisher of your
faith… He knows and He will bind your wounds, pour his oil upon you and heal
you in Jesus name. It has taken me 10
years to get here; my prayer is that your own healing comes faster than
mine.
All of that will be
determined by how you respond… till next week, when we will look at the
different stages of grief and how you can accelerate the process remember that
God is the father of the fatherless and the husband of the widow. He sees you and He will come and save you.
Send an email to comfortofcomfort@gmail.com should you need to talk or just unburden… I am eagerly waiting to
travel through with you.
You are loved.
Peace
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