NOW I SEE ME RISING

I have been asked why I do this a number of times, and my answer has been that others can gain comfort from my experience.  While that is still true, I have just been revealed to myself.  It has been ten years and if someone had asked me prior to this season if I was healed I would answer yes; loudly.

Apparently, I thought I was over the emotions; the anger, the frustration, the pain and even the lack of hope sometimes.  What I have just found out is that I wasn’t over anything.  Every time I begin to write a new post depending on the subject of focus I find that my emotions are revved and especially in anger over the way I was treated.

No one should have to go through anything like this, I tell myself over and over.  Why do I still feel this way I wondered; as I reflected on the number of times I had to travel to Delta State to attend court sittings in other to prove that I was legally married to Charles. A marriage ceremony that was well attended by members of both our families upon his death became a bone of contention; people started to tell me that traditions says, a wife is the property of the family where she is married to.  I remember someone asking to take me over as his wife… in the 20^th century!  In a million years if it didn’t happen to me, I would not have believed that these things still happen. Just thinking about it makes me really angry and to think that I thought I was over it all.  Hmmmm.  

So it seems I have lived in anger and bitterness all this time.  Now that I think about it objectively I have avoided everyone that I thought made to feel less than whom I am at the time even though some of them have tried reach out to me. What I realize now is that I was bitter and angry with them all.  Don’t get me wrong, I didn’t do anything to deserve the treatment I received but now I also know it was not in my interest to hold them responsible.

You see, I have a Father who is God, who could have made it all go away or better still ensured it didn’t happen, but He let it happen, and today, I am accepting that He had then and still has the best plan for my life today. However, to access this life now, I know that I must truly let go of the past, forgive them and let God do His perfect work in and through me.

I know you are wondering what this is now about, the truth is nothing has changed in the mandate for comfortofcomfort.  I just don’t want you to wait ten years before you begin to honestly appraise your feelings and reactions. I thought avoiding them was the best thing to do at the time however, I was the one who suffered; it wasn’t going well with my health, it resulted in palpitations whenever I came across any of them.  My journey in forgiveness began the Sunday my Pastor gave a word of knowledge  that there was someone living with bitterness and unforgiveness who must let go and let God have his way.

 I knew immediately I was the one, after a lot of struggle, I finally surrendered, repented and asked for forgiveness, which brought peace back into my life, however the undercurrent of the emotions remained and that is what I am purging myself of by these weekly posts.

How is this useful to you out there?  Don’t let the bad feelings fester; the Bible advises in  Heb 12:15, “LOOKING CAREFULLY LEST ANY MAN FALL  SHORT OF  THE  GRACE  OF GOD; LEST ANY ROOT OF BITTERNESS SPRING UP CAUSE TROUBLE YOU, AND BY THIS  MANY BECOME DEFILED.”

 

 I now understand the scars, because they have become the marks of Christ that I bear and I have resolved to give God room to use my hurt.  As of today I am no longer nurturing a wound by blaming others rather I am using what was a difficult situation the best way, by staying in God’s will and glorifying his name, for God does not waste anything; not even ugly experiences like this one, rather He will use it to bring change and blessing to many around us, and in the process move us into another season.

I make bold to say that I am ready for my next season and pray that you too will let go of the hurt, stay away from those who remind you of how bad it was and set your gaze on God who is able to take any and everything and use it for our good and His glory.

“…and we know that all things work together for the good of them that love God and are called according to His Purpose.”  My Sisters this can only end in purpose if you let God.  May the Spirit of all comfort the Holy Spirit show you the way to get out of the pit.  I give God glory because today I am out of the pit.

Your emails are welcome; confortofcomfort@gmail.com

You are loved 

Peace