THE WIDOW'S OIL

Welcome, this week we would be looking at the story in 2 Kings 4:1-7 and I hope you will be encouraged to get up from the ashes of mourning and begin the first step towards a life of restoration and replenishment.

The story tells us about a desperate poor widow, who was at the verge of losing her sons, the only reasons for her joy after her husband, her lover, her friend, her provider, her protector, had been taken away from her by death. She was broken and left to care for herself and her two sons alone, and couldn’t pay her bills; as a result, her creditors were going to take her sons away as slaves so they can work off the debt. This was allowed under the Jewish Law, Lev. 25:39. She has been deprived of her husband, now she is about to lose her sons as well, remember she was married to one of the “sons of the prophets”, therefore I believe her life has been a life of devotion to the Lord, since her husband was training under Elisha to be one of the prophets and preachers in Israel, to my understanding she was walking her way into destiny before the tragic incident happened…  She must have asked herself series of questions not knowing what to do or where to turn in her pain and her poverty, all she remembered to do was to turn to the direction her husband knew before his death for the rescue her sons.

In my case I didn’t need to worry as earlier mentioned, since Charles had deposited some money in an account for me, that helped meet my need in the first four years after his death; even though I didn’t have children to care for; in the years we were married I never needed to do anything.  So you could say I was learning to live life anew; regardless it was hard.

As a result I can share in your pain especially if you have children and are going through. But most especially the Lord is very much aware and will reach out in his love.

I have heard my Pastors mention at least once every Sunday, that we should operate from our areas of strength, and the Bible passage we have read, did not point the woman to something she didn’t have, she may not have thought the oil was enough to I pay the debt but God knew and was willing to use the little she had.  Which might explain why she cried to the man of God, and he asked ‘what do you have’?  She remembered the small jar of oil, which then became her source of miracle, and her story changed.

In my case I was desperate to work to fill my days and earn money.  I didn’t want to become a beggar that I wasn’t just to. I came across an opportunity and decided to take a job, the salary was small, and the job was demanding, but I was happy, and did the job like my life depended on it, it wasn’t long before my boss noticed my determination and increased my salary; and today I have learnt to work with little or no supervision. This is huge considering I only worked for a short while I was married.

Life must go on even though you don’t feel it should and you cannot wait on others to carry you for long, it is time for you to ask yourself ‘what do I have?’ take it to God and absolutely depend on Him and He will give you more than you hoped for.

In spite of her pain and problems, the widow looked up to God for the help she needed! You need to look unto Him too.  The people around would love to help but don’t forget they have other responsibilities as well.  If God came through for the widow and for me He will come through for you; after all, He is the husband of the husbandless and the father of the fatherless.

May you find peace in Jesus name and may your eyes open to what you have in your hands.  Looking forward to hearing from you. comfortofcomfort@gmail.com.

You are loved.

PeaceHHH

MY STINT WITH ANGER AND UNFORGIVENESS

It’s amazing sometimes, when an incident like this happens, people tend to make a lot of suggestions, they believed I wasn’t in the right frame of mind to take decisive decisions, my experience was mostly on the area of protection, out of fear of being hurt  I was guided daily on whom to keep away from and whom to be close to, most times it  was frustrating, my personality had to adapt; forcing me to find new ways of self-expression. The truth is that at this stage the last thing I wanted to deal with was putting up with rules and regulations.

Against how I would normally live I had to start learning to be careful with people to avoid being misunderstood.

I suddenly realized that anger and bitterness had eaten deep into me, the people I could take a bullet for, are the ones behind the trigger, I got mad with myself to have being fooled for years without realizing it, I was suddenly exposed to risks and danger that I didn’t know existed before.

 It became apparent I needed to learn how to set boundaries that hitherto were unnecessary. My mantra daily became what did Charles do? Who did he offend? I had lots of unanswered questions, and did not see any reason why his killer should go unpunished; I had no news regarding the investigation, and wasn’t privileged to any information. 

I needed answers so I decided to travel to Warri, Delta state, where he was shot even though I couldn’t do anything tangible, I was looking for answers and anything was better than nothing at this point.  I visited the Police station in charge of the case, after series of interrogation, I pleaded with them, with tears in my eyes… I want to know how my husband died, I shouldn’t be denied, such information, Charles will want me to know I told them, fortunately I got the police report, it did not do much good, all I wanted was for his killer punished badly.

Each step of the way anger filled my heart, I felt denied of my happiness and life,. It pained my soul that his killer was walking free on the street, but there was little or nothing I could do. There is nothing in life more painful than losing a loved one with whom I had built a life and have no answers; I didn’t have any reason why I should forgive anyone, even when though I knew what the Bible said about forgiveness.
 

Fear was also one of the many reasons for my anger, I had thought I have left the era of being single, only to find myself back, with the responsibility to dealing and paying my bills myself… every time I had to pay my rent, even though the first 4 year was flexible to pay, as a result of the money Charles has deposited in the account he opened in my name, I was reminded this wasn’t my responsibility and the anger in my bosom heightened.
 

However, even in the mist of the bitterness and hate I was exuding, God was still reaching out to me; He connected me with a boss who at the end of the first four years took it upon himself to pay my rent.  My life was different; I had returned to a season I thought I was done with for life but somehow, God still watched over me.
 

The issues kept springing; there was the letter of administration to deal with.  Stuff I wasn’t prepared for and others had designs on; I could only look to God to fight for me.   The more time I spent dealing with their greed, the more offended I became; before I knew what was happening, I was growing into a resentful and bitter woman.

I knew this was an issue I had to deal with, but couldn’t find it in my heart to even think about releasing or forgiving anyone. As a result of this spiritual state I actually strayed from God a bit however, even though I moved, He stuck with me.
 

If you are in the anger stage of grief I do know what you are feeling and I can say you are justifiably so; however in the end what I learnt was that no one was more harmed in the unforgiveness limbo as me.  I was the one who lost everything, I was the one been victimized and yet I was the one in peril of hell because of anger and unforgiveness.
 

In the end like I eventually did, you will have to let it all go.  None of these were calculated to hurt you, it is just a bad nightmare of life and while we don’t pray for it; it does happen to people.  You are the apple of God’s eye and He will never leave you nor forsake you.  Even in this dark time… He sees and watches over you.

Remember that I am just an email away; comfortofcomfort@gmail.com.

You are loved.

Peace

 

PRETENCE

 Welcome, we are in a new month already and I know what you are thinking right now, you are thinking that another month is gone by, it seems life truly is going on and yet nothing has changed about your situation.  The tendency to begrudge others the peace and calm they have in their own lives right now is building, and maybe justifiably so.  However, unfortunately that is the reality of the life you now have; it is a different kind of normal, but you must determine to go on.

When we are hit with the kind of reality that Charles’ death presented me, the first instinct is to try and find out if it had ever happened to another…because we want to find out how they fixed it so we can too.  So I started my search in the Bible, and I found one story in Genesis 38, the story of Tamar who was asked by her father in-law to return to her family and remain a widow, with no intention of bringing her back to marry his youngest son seeing he had lost two sons already and partially blamed her for their demise. I also read that Tamar had to resort to pretence and deceit if you like to get her own back.

Surely God included this story in the Bible to guide those that will walk the same so they can relate; but the more I read the story, the more hatred and anger I felt, as their plans to wipe every trace of my life with Charles out became clearer and frustrating.  However, this was the least of my issues at this point, I was still dealing with my own pretension.

To get family and friends off my back with their counsel that was meant to help but wasn’t; especially my mum, who was checking up on me every second to know how I was doing. I also resorted to pretense.  I started to fake my smiles and pretend that I was healing.  The truth however was that I was dying of heartache. I remember my mother walking into my room with a glance and said ‘I know you are not happy… I can see it in your eyes, I don’t understand why you are keeping it all to yourself? Why do you wait till you are alone at night and cry, you can try to fool everyone, but not me’.  Rather than allow myself the opportunity to cry on her shoulder though, I dug deeper into my world of pretense.

 After a while with no news from my in-law, just like the four Lepers in 2 king 7:3-4, not knowing what next at stake for me, I decided that rather than sit down with nothing doing and be the object of pity, I will return to Lagos and begin to pick up the pieces of my life again.  I spoke to my mother about it but she was scared and wouldn’t allow me. As I persisted in telling her it was what I wanted and tried to answer her questions to allay her fears; with the help of my siblings she finally succumbed.

However, I had no idea where I was returning to stay as the key to our apartment had been taken from me and I had no idea what the plan was. However, I remembered that one of the relatives who lived with us had a spare key and with that I was able to get into the apartment when I got back.  I was told that the plan was to ensure that all documents that showed I was ever married to Charles were hidden so they could claim his gratuity which was why they didn’t want me back in Lagos so I wouldn’t be in a position to fight them.

The truth is I didn’t want to live in that flat again, and I wasn’t in the mood to fight anyone; however, I needed a place to stay. I went to the apartment to gather my stuff, left everything that belonged to Charles and went to stay with a friend. I was gradually waking up to the reality that this was my life now… but something unbelievable happened.

The day I went to move my things my neighbor's daughter handed me an envelope; I no idea of what was in it; but surprisingly it contained bank documents in my name, she said Charles had her paying in money into that account monthly for me but told her not to tell me… he was still looking out for me!  I went back into the house and wept the same way, I did the day he was being buried. The issue of how I was getting money to rent an apartment disappeared. I didn’t have to worry for another 4 years how I was going to pay for my rent.

I know you are hurting and may even be at the same stage where you are pretending all is well and getting ready to piece together what used to be your life… what I can tell you is that there is a help for you somewhere… you will be amazed where it will come for.  Imagine, that for four years, I could pay my rent!  That was a fresh start only God could give me.  If He did it for me, He will do it for you too.

Just hold on because your help is on the way.  Remember weeping may endure for the night but joy cometh in the morning… I await your email comfortofcomfort@gmail.com.

You are loved

Peace

 

SHUTTING THE DOOR 2

I have had friends say to me this past week, why I am putting this experience in writing,  they wonder why I am according to them bringing back painful memories.  I understand why they ask me this question.  It is because the story makes them cry and uncomfortable.   This is not geared to make others pity me or weep over me.  I am fine, honestly; God has done some major work and so when I say I am fine, I mean exactly that.

 While I appreciate their concerns let me quickly say here that the feeling has been amazing and fulfilling. To have gone through all this and now realize that God can use it is amazing.  It means I didn’t go through in vain.  Will I choose to be used this way if I had the choice? Of course not! But isn’t God God?  Above all, nothing takes God by surprise; He must have allowed me to go through the challenge to understand the grief and pain of losing a loved one, in order to fulfill purpose.  So rather than moan over the pain now, I am looking at this whole experience through the lens of PURPOSE.

 I am of the opinion that the true way to healing for me is to remember and keep his memory alive. He was part of my life, we did life together; burying my feelings and never talking about it is not the way out; I feel it’s ok to speak his name and remember him, that alone gives me great joy.

For the first time in these 10 years, I can sincerely say that I can take and deep breath and exhale in satisfaction, knowing God finds even this ugly situation useful.  It was blogging about it that has given me this power to exhale. The opportunity to share now makes me grateful to God for upholding me all this years, and bringing me in contact with the people in my circle of influence right now.

Be rest assured we are not only on earth to satisfy our desires, we are on earth to bring changes, and become more like God, transforming our mess in to a message to alter the background of pain and the sufferings so as to produce something of value.

2 Corinthian 1:3-5.  Blessed is the God father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the father of mercies and God of all comfort. Who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we may be able to comfort those experiencing any trouble with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God; For just as the sufferings of Christ overflow towards us, so also our comfort through Christ overflow to you.

For me, this is part of life and this is part of PURPOSE, I am obligated to do this at this time and season, with hope that what I have learned from this tragedy might help someone new to widowhood experience peace and comfort to carry on and triumphantly even in the face of her own adversity.

 I pray that the Lord Almighty will comfort you, cause you to laugh at the confusion, and smile through the tears. Never forget someday everything will make perfect sense, hold on.

Back to our story, true to the words of my friend and sister, who was still with me after the burial, my family was advised to take me back home; with the promise that I will be updated on what the next step will be for me after the family meeting.  Little did I know it was a ploy to get me back to my family...  Even though I wondered who was holding the meeting as all his siblings had left back to their stations.  

The next day I left for my home, with little or nothing to do. Even though I had a job immediately after my youth services, when we just got married, Charles had asked me to stop work especially as we were yet to have children. So here I was widowed under 30years with no job and no clear indication where I was headed after that time out.

Where I was, I thought of all that we had planned to achieve together and it dawned on me; I will from this point have to do life by myself!  This was scarier than I can tell you now…

As a result of some of the thoughtless talk people were making when they came to visit, I told my family that I wanted to be alone, to reduce the visitors I see, but they disagreed, because they felt it will do me good to have people around. I gradually started falling into depression, I couldn’t handle it anymore, and I had to put up an attitude that will make my visitors believe I was doing well to reduce the talk and there started my journey to pretense land.

Grief is a terrible thing and the face and stages are many; if only I had someone who had been there to walk me through.  Even though no one could understand, I still had God and that was more than anything or anyone else.

What stage of grief are you in? how many times have you said the words ‘I am doing okay’ even though you were lying.  Not to worry, even this stage will pass.  Remember, God will never leave you nor forsake you…Should you need to share with someone who knows please send me me a mail at comfortofcomfort@gmail.com

Till next week.  You are loved!

Peace

SHUTTING THE DOOR

The burial day came sooner than I had hoped. 

All the arrangements had been made; travel, casket, burial rites and all other things I wasn’t privy to.  The day preceding the burial we left Lagos very early for Abraka in Delta State.  All the way, I was so afraid; not knowing how to handle questions about his death.  Even before this day I had heard wind that I was going to be asked specifically what happened to Charles.  This was extremely uncomfortable for me to even think of.  Did it even occur to anyone I was far away from where the incident occurred? If I am asked, what was my answer expected to be?  To say a lot went through my mind is an under-statement.  This state of not been sure what to expect was mental torment for me.  However, I was at the same time filled with the hope that with members of my family around, I will receive a bit more consoling.

 

We arrived  Abraka late in the night and I was taken straight to Charles’ family compound where I would stay till the burial rite was over.  Surprisingly I was warmly received,with so many things going through my mind, I wanted to retire to bed immediately;  I wasn’t in in the right frame of mind to talk to anyone but  I cried all night, why was not in my home town for something different rather than to bury Charles? Somewhere deep inside I looked forward to see his body; like Mary and Martha in John 11, I hoped Jesus will show up and intervene.  But this was not meant to be, as I never set my eyes on him again.

 I was denied the opportunity to say goodbye to my husband of six years. Even as I pleaded with the little strength left in me to be allowed to say a few words in his honour nobody responded.   I started to call him with a loud voice, but of course he was dead and couldn’t hear me anymore.  It seemed like right before my eyes he disappeared from sight and my life was left empty.  There are no words to describe how I felt that fateful day.  I needed this closure but none thought to give it.

Support was indeed great from both family and friends for a while but within 3 days after the burial, everyone had traveled back to their stations and I was left alone sitting on the floor in that room.  I remember asking the only person left with me, what next was expected of me traditionally and she looked at my in pain...was silent for a while, then said “I don’t know either, those to sit for the meeting with the elders, have also traveled back to Lagos and you can’t be left alone here; I believe you will be advised to go back to your family”.  She whispered.

That day I can dropped the mask I had put on for people and the raw emotions showed and I wept like I had never wept before.  Yet even on the floor where I was alone and in deep pain  I could still hear God say, my grace is sufficient for you, for my strength is made perfect in your  weakness 2 Corinthian 12:9.

I knew the wisest thing to do was to turn completely to God;   all I could do, was ask for grace continuously, depending and relying on Him for help. 

So maybe you are not in this very raw place of pain or perhaps your pain is even deeper than I am able to describe; the word of God says there is no temptation come upon man that is peculiar.  Someone else has gone through something similar and they survived…as matter of fact they prevailed.  You can too, let your focus be on how you will respond in all of this… look unto Jesus the author and finisher of your faith… He knows and He will bind your wounds, pour his oil upon you and heal you in Jesus name.  It has taken me 10 years to get here; my prayer is that your own healing comes faster than mine.  

All of that will be determined by how you respond… till next week, when we will look at the different stages of grief and how you can accelerate the process remember that God is the father of the fatherless and the husband of the widow.  He sees you and He will come and save you.

Send an email  to comfortofcomfort@gmail.com should you need to talk or just unburden… I am eagerly waiting to travel through with you.

You are loved.

Peace