GOD WILL USE YOUR STORY

I have had the opportunity to listen to great minds pursuing their vision teach on various subjects, but my take home has always been acquired through the personal stories shared in the course of their message.   Someone once told me; ‘no one knows you better than yourself, and when your story is told by others be rest assured of being misrepresented’ but I never really understood the importance of telling my story myself until I started this blog and started to receive feedback from readers.

Some years ago I attended a fellowship where life transforming messages were taught on marriage.   I absolutely can’t remember the topic but it had to do with handling family issues. Usually after each teaching, contributions based on experience were welcome.   I remember a lady who used my story as a case study and tried to convince everyone how I maltreated and prevented my in-laws from benefiting and acquiring the properties my late husband left behind.

There I was listening and feeling sorry for her;recognizing the source of her information and how desperate they were and how far they were willing to go to justify their actions didn’t inconvenience me in anyway as I knew the truth and it was only a question of time before even the story teller realised it too.

It is important that you understand that the platform of this blog has lightened my burden and brought me relief in ways I didn’t know was possible.  All because I stepped up to the plate to tell my story and by so doing, I have been told others received help.  However, today I confess that I am more helped by telling my story than I ever imagined!

As helped as I have been by telling my story, I have learnt to share my feeling with my Maker and my Source, and that has helped me face every challenge with the consciousness of a winner.I am not claiming to be successful; as success is relative but I am definitely fulfilled and grateful for the privilege of knowing and having Jesus who took over my burdens and gave me rest when it was too heavy to bear.

You get release when you tell your story and you bring hope to others but should you not yet be in a position to tell your story to others may be you need to pour it all before God.  The Bible says He takes our tears and stores them in a bottle to pour out when the time is ripe to bring you a harvest and hope to others. 

Your story is not in vain… it is useful regardless of how painful.  Don’t allow your experience be in vain… God can use it all.

Remember what the enemy meant for evil He is able to turn around for your good.

May God bless and keep you...till next week I am willing to walk this road with you.  Send me an email comfortofcomfort@gmail.com.

You are loved

Peace

GOD GOT YOU COVERED

 

Recently I was in church listening to my Pastors wife teach, when she came up with an illustration and advice of what I will be sharing, immediately I knew God was reminding me of the many ways he insured my life unaware to me before Charles was killed.

The death of my husband Charles was a difficult situation for me to handle, but through all the challenges God covered me.  I cannot just stop affirming that nothing takes God by surprise; the shocking experiences after his burial even though not orchestrated by God, He worked through to glorify Himself.

For every one of these incidents God countered with a lot of surprises and most of them He had planned even before Charles passed.  For instance:

One of our family friends called me one fateful day that someone would like to meet with me, regarding an insurance policy Charles had taken and wanted to get my permission to give her my telephone number, I consented and in less than twenty minutes some lady called me. I remember that Charles had mentioned her and how irritated he had become with her because she had been pestering him to take a life policy. I remember he said he will sign up for the least premium to get her off his back.  I remember that conversation ended in laughter.  None of us could have seen that the policy will be required so soon.

The lady had informed the insurance company about Charles death, and was advised to communicate the requirements I should provide and submit as his wife and next of kin.

What I can’t explain till date is the mystery of all that Charles put in place to secure and enable me carry on in his absence, he may not have known what was driving him to make those preparations, neither did it cross my mind that the man who has being the reason for my fulfillment was going to disappear without saying goodbye, but God knew.

It was almost impossible to believe  when a representative from the insurance company called and handed me a cheque contrary to the opinion of many about insurance companies, this one not only paid, but they paid on time.

Charles was still providing my up keep allowance even at death, when all hope was lost, and it felt like I had nothing to live for, God was still watching out for me,

Peradventure you are in a devastating situation, with no hope of survival, because your covering has been removed, fear not for God will not allow you to be paralyzed by the crises you are going through when you are his child and be confident He’s got you covered...till next week I am willing to walk this road with you.  Send me an email comfortofcomfort@gmail.com.

 

You are loved

Peace

 

 

BLESSINGS IN THE PLACE OF MOURNING

Many times the challenges of life build and force us to find the courage and reasons to move on.  This rather unpleasant turn brings unbelievable change that the best of circumstances cannot bring.  This change I have found out is hinged on our value and belief system even in the place of adversity.

Today my confidence based on my experience is that the ability to know and see God in the place of mourning activates the miracle of strength in a dark and hopeless situation. As you know, I am not new to mourning...the loss my husband of 6 years of marriage; my best friend, confidant and partner Charles; has helped me see things and situations from God’s perspective. One of which is that whatever He allows to happen in our lives will work together for our good and in the process bless others.  In previous posts I talked about how God helped me through the different stages of grief and how I have received strength to move on.

I didn’t know I could survive a situation that terrible but as they say you never know how strong you can be (with God) until strength is your only option.

In Mathew 5:4; the Bible says ‘Blessed are they that mourn; for they shall be comforted’.

When the Lord says you are blessed, you are blessed indeed regardless of the challenges, pain and regrets in the place mourning. We are comforted through his word and able to overcome the oppression of tradition and society, and therefore confident of God’s word.

 Number 23:19; God is not a man that he should lie neither the son of man that he should repent hath he said and shall he not do it or hath he spoken and shall he not make it good.

However talking about blessing in the place of mourning, doesn’t make sense, as it is associated with frustration, pain and regrets and has no bearing on blessings as it seems. But Psalm 34: 18; the Lord is close to the broken hearted and saves those who are crushed in Spirit.

The Lord’s presence makes all the difference in the place of mourning, the loss of a loved one is a heart breaking situation and it’s difficult to deal with without God that is why He has promised to be close in other to restore joy and peace to those who mourn in Zion.

The bible recognizes that a broken heart could crush the spirit, and results in all forms of physical challenges, but He has promised that his strength will be made strong in our weaknesses.

However it is important to know we are not disadvantaged in any way as a result of the sorrow and pain we are going through and shouldn’t listen to the opinion of people about us.  What is important is that you remember that you are valuable and that your circumstances will not define you in the long run if you know who you are.  Question is do you know who you are?  The answer to the question of your identity will determine how you will allow others to treat you, what you will submit to, but more importantly if you will ever rise from the ashes of your mourning.

God is more than willing to comfort us, and deliver us from all oppression, that is associated with the mourning as a result of the death of a loved one, and our relationship and the ability to believe in his capacity to comfort us in the place of mourning is what provokes God’s blessings.

Are youfeeling frustrated and dejected? Do you refuse to be comforted?  Is your reality today dark that you are unable to see that there is a tomorrow even for you that is bright?  Fear not!  For God is closer than you think and he will make all things work together for your good.

Never forget; blessed are they who mourn for they shall be comforted.

God knows your name and He is closer than you know… till next week I am willing to walk this road with you.  Send me an email comfortofcomfort@gmail.com.

You are loved

Peace

 

 

The Courage to Fight

Thanks for all your calls and emails.  Today I want to address specifically what a woman should do when she is treated unfairly and unjustly; based on some of the questions I have received.  Someone wants to know what it was that gave me the courage to keep fighting.

Like I mentioned in my last post, it was not about money or allowances; for me it was about standing for what was right and doing my best in my little way to check the excesses of tradition and the abuse of culture.  In order to achieve the objective above, I found out a little too late; since I had made the commitment that I was going to be on unscheduled trips to court for a long time.

The court sittings were very challenging, I had to travel every hearing to Delta whenever the case was to be heard, it was full of painful memories though.  Talking about being treated unjustly, the argument as put forth by their counsel was that traditionally a wife was the property of the man’s family.  Based on this argument they were praying the court to give them the authority to dispense with Charles’ estate as they deemed fit since he died intestate… in all these I was also saddled with the burden of ensuring that I was doing what Charles would have wanted.

After a while because of the trend of the arguments the case was transferred from a lower court to a higher court.

I saw desperation in action, people who were ready to do anything, in other to have their way, there was this day in court when someone else’s marriage certificate was tendered in evidence.  Though it was thrown out; it still proves how unfairly tradition can treat a widow.   I experienced harassment and oppression piled on the pain I was feeling; yet I had the peace and conviction to keep at it.

However, let me quickly speak to the power in finding the right support network; I found mine in a group of female lawyers, who took up the matter pro bono and kept me informed and going even when I wanted to give up; they pushed me and kept me going.  Their support ensured that I received justice in the case itself and helped my frail emotional and psychological frame at the time.  They even stopped me from coming to Delta for the hearings, as they insisted they would represent me adequately and they kept to their word.  

Everyone needs this kind of support and as I came to find out every state government have a provision to this effect.  Take advantage of what is being offered; and don’t try to deal with the issues by yourself.  You need help just like I needed help in that time.

Truthfully when the court drama started, my plan was to be a spectator in the court room, not knowing how far they have actually gone and what to expect, but sitting in the court that fateful day and hearing all they had to say, I was angry and instantly I felt this injustice must not be allowed to continue, it must be stopped and resolved it’s worth fighting for, which I believe has helped in unfolding recent events.

We never can tell how far the course we believe and we  are willing to fight for can go, we can be rest assured it’s not for our advantage alone, but will also bring about change for the good of others. And that is the reason why we must not settle for less and give up. 

This had nothing to do with heroics; every time I made I had to suffer a lot of inconveniences; the least of which was money.  The bottom line was I had been treated badly and if I didn’t do something it was going to continue.  I was dissatisfied with the treatment I received as a widow and that provoked my reactions even when it was clear I might not be heard.

Today, sticking it out has paid off not in monetary terms again but in the way I am now treated. It is no longer a surprise to get calls sometimes from my in-laws regarding pending issues that still need my attention. This recognition today where Charles’ estate is concerned is born from putting up a fight and that took courage. To have them regard my opinion even though I had no children with Charles proves that sometimes fighting is just as important as mourning. 

All said; let our hope to triumph in the face of adversity completely depends on our faith in Christ Jesus; that is where the victory lies.

Hebrews 10:23; Let us hold unswervingly to the hope we profess, for he who promised is faithful.

Don't forget to send me an email; comfortofcomfort@gmail.com It will be an honour to hear from you.

You are loved

Peace 

NEVER GIVE UP

 

One fateful day I got a call, still wondering who the caller was, the person said… you don’t know me, I got your number from your in-laws and decided to put a call across to you, please don’t hang up on me, as I have my reasons for calling you.

I had an encounter with your late husband this morning before leaving my home, still wondering what he was up to, knowing fully well that Charles was gone forever, and I wasn’t expecting anything different from what I have got to accept, still wondering what he has to say, immediately I responded…please go on am listening.

“Your husband walked into my bathroom this morning when I was taking my bath, it was a scary experience; he warned me that the letter of administration that was going to be issued today should be stopped, as his wife has nothing to do with. He told me that your name was included without your knowledge…  With this serious warning, I had to get your phone number in other to reach you”.

He requested that I attend the next court sitting, as he will move to have the case adjourned to give me time to prepare for the trip to Delta state, he promised to give me a call and inform me on the next court sitting, true to his word he did call, and I immediately promised him, I will be there.

Hmmm, did I believe it was Charles who spoke with him, not at all, however, it reinforced my belief that  God had me covered, whether he was telling me the truth or not, all I could think about his story, was that an angel had step into my case.

On the set date, with no idea what to expect, I went to court with my elder brother and that was the start of the fight to ensure no one took advantage of me even though most people thought I ought to let go.  For me this was not about money, however, it was about justice and I was willing to go all the way to ensure that no one would treat me or anyone as badly as they had planned to treat me.

in Luke 18:1-8 Jesus told the parable of a widow who presented herself constantly before the judge, asking him to grant her justice. She was a poor widow; who was defenseless. She had a legal case pending against someone who had wronged her, she was unprotected and disadvantage to cultural belief.  The parable doesn't tell us what injustice had been committed against the widow, but I know she must have been stripped of her property and all that her husband left her, the situation must have been a terrible, due to her desperation and steady visit to the unjust Judge for justice.

She had to get justice and went on to the judge, Even though she had no one to help her, she went to and the judge directly and while the judge wasn’t the best human being on earth he had no choice but to help her.

What about you and me? We sometimes become so discouraged by the challenges of our lives that we stop praying, stop hoping, and stop expecting God to intervene in our situation, and eventually begin to live on self-pity and at the mercy of people. That shouldn’t be our case, we ought to cling to God in faith and persistence until our help manifests.  Unlike the unrighteous judge, our God is willing, able and committed to change our lives and story.

Never give up on yourself, and do all you can to embrace God in other to get the best that life has to offer. We should not be discourage, by allowing the giants in our promise land prevent us from possessing that which is rightfully ours. The bible encourages us to be strong and courageous, in other to help us focus on our goals and ignore the fears.

The unavoidable challenges that make us turn to God are better than the blessings which makes us forget to Him; God cannot be unjust to those who call upon Him, He is always righteous and good in all His dealings. We can confidently come before Him with our needs, and He will hear and deliver us. 

Just like He heard my cry in the dark and sent someone who understood the process to help me, He will come and save you too.  Please hold on, your help. 

Till next week, my email still is comfortofcomfort@gmail.com. I look forward to hearing from you.

 

You are loved.

 

Peace

 

DEALING WITH STIGMATIZATION AND REMARRIAGE

 

 

 

Recently I had a discussion with young widows and few friends, who usually call to speak with me after reading the blog, before the conversation ended, I had to ask, why they preferred to call, rather than share or post a comment for other readers to learn from and be blessed from their experiences, the response wasn’t surprising at all; it was familiar.  The same words I heard from the sympathizers; usually ideas based on cultural beliefs and traditions laid down by men for their own advantage.  Belief that leads to a submission to be treated badly and consequent frustration if one isn’t careful.

Here is what she says; “I was quickly stripped of my rights and privileges; as if that wasn’t enough the family has asked me to stop using the family name; a name I was known with for years. The truth is talking about widowhood freely and publicly is difficult; the most frustrating aspect is dealing with the accusations from the in-laws.  Some people who do not know the true story still avoid me today.  Even those I thought were my friends stayed away because they didn’t want to explain been seen with me”.

“I have been stigmatized for being a widow”; she continues, “So why will I expose myself even more on social media?  I would rather be silent about it, since I have no children and intend to remarry, talking about it, will stand as a barrier to my happiness and moving on…”

I could feel her hurt from her voice as we spoke. “Ufuoma you are fortunate; my life has not changed for the better since my husband died, but I have tried to move on, regardless my pain” another said.

Proverb 3:5-6; "Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge him; and he shall direct thy paths.

It is important to know that for positive change to begin, we must make God the centre of our lives, by absolutely trusting Him. We cannot live this life of faith without trusting and depending on the Lord, in other to effectively win psychological battles, overcome mental obstacles, and see physical barriers in their true light; you have to trust completely in Jesus, Who is the source and vital force behind our faith.

 You will see that as you seek Him and allow Him access to the deepest desires of your heart which by the way, He already knows, He will intervene on your behalf, as long as they honour Him.

A friend confided in me, telling me how helpless and indecisive she has become, a lady who is less than 40 years of age with three children.  She lamented over the challenges of caring for the children alone with no one asking about their welfare.  Indeed pain crushes, my self-esteem has been battered, and her in-laws told her that the children will be taken from her if she tries to remarry, because they wouldn’t want their late brother’s children to be brought up in another man’s home.

Rather than resist them she silently gave in to them; when I prodded she said “Ufuoma what do you want me to say, I am incapable of helping myself…”  This fine woman has allowed her identify to be defined by the misfortune of losing her husband because that is what tradition tells her to do. Then she tells me how she takes solace in my ability to tell my story weekly believing there is a way out, and that God has not forgotten her too.

 1 Samuel 25; Abigail was a woman of integrity, who walked in obedience and love, she courageously stood in gap for members for his household to prevent them from being killed by David and his men, above all she can best be described as the strength of her husband. She suddenly became widowed shortly after the incident between her husband Nabal who spitefully insulted David and his men regardless of the help and protection they rendered to his men in the wilderness.

I believe many would have blamed Abigail for the death of her husband’s death were it in today’s society.   “Why would you tell Nabal what David planned to do to him, after you saved the day, her in laws would have asked.  Imagine what they would say and probably do when they find out she was remarrying the same David? 

But Abigail did what was best for her destiny, by accepting to marry David, and moving on, without allowing tradition and the people who couldn’t help keep her in misery.

No one can take away your pain… so don’t let them take away your happiness. Let God direct your path by abiding in him.

So look up from where you have fallen, look up to the hills from whence your help comes.  Our help is in the Lord God of Heaven and He will do as He has said concerning you, in Jesus name.

I await your thoughts on how to find hope when everything seems hopeless.  Email me on comfortofcomfort@gmail.com.

You are loved.

Peace

 

Hope Against Hope

Hope against Hope

This last week was very fulfilling, I  am more convinced now more than ever before that God is very much present in my life and affairs, and couldn’t stop thanking Him, because it is dawning on me daily, that the only Purpose for this blog is to give Him glory, and give hope through His word.

I read the last post over and over again… I realized how greatly God helped me overcome pain and frustration.

 The story of Ruth is one of comfort that I can relate to, as young woman married to a Jew but from Moab; the bitter enemy of Israel, she was already disadvantaged. Her situation was so bad that even tradition dictated that she returned to her father's house, considering that the Jews were not meant to marry from Moab.

However, I imagine that returning to her family wasn’t going to be that easy either considering that they might have been informed of her conversion to the Jewish faith and now believed in Jehovah the God of her in-laws.

 

 Ruth's mother-in-law, Naomi, who was also a widow, wanted to return to her home in Bethlehem. Naomi had lost not only a husband, but both her sons as well. She was hurting, and wanted to return to her old friends and whatever family remained in Israel as the famine that made them leave was over and Israel restored.  Ruth decided to go with her, turning her back on the life she knew and was used to, don’t forget she was hurting, in pain and rejection yet her spirit within her was unbroken spirit and found the strength to go on without losing focus, she believed that the only way out was to follow and depend on the God, she had been introduced to, while her marriage lasted.

Like Ruth even with no knowledge of  what God had planned, I  choose to see hope, and stick with God, rather than stay with people who thought there is no way out for a young widow who had been stigmatized.

Remember every one of us are works in progress, therefore need to be confident that every plan and purpose of God for us shall definitely come to pass, as we deliberately follow God without fear and wavering, in the mist of our peculiar situations.

Blessed is the man who believes in, trusts in, and relies on the Lord, and whose hope and confidence the Lord is. For he shall be like a tree planted by the waters that spreads out its roots by the river; and it shall not see and fear when heat comes; but its leaf shall be green. It shall not be anxious and full of care in the year of drought, nor shall it cease yielding fruit. Jeremiah 17:7-8 AMP

God is trustworthy and when our hope found and plugged in him, we need never lose courage. Regardless of what happens in our world, his promises are sure. There is nothing that can keep his Word from coming to pass, no adversity, no pain, no sorrow, no setback. Nothing can keep his promise from being fulfilled. This simple truth gives us comfort and hope in the midst of tough times.

So look up from where you have fallen, look up to the hills from whence your help comes.  Our help is in the Lord God of Heaven and He will do as He has said concerning in Jesus name.

I await your thoughts on how to find hope when everything seems hopeless.  Email me on confortofcomfort@gmail.com.

You are loved.

Peace

 

NOW I SEE ME RISING

I have been asked why I do this a number of times, and my answer has been that others can gain comfort from my experience.  While that is still true, I have just been revealed to myself.  It has been ten years and if someone had asked me prior to this season if I was healed I would answer yes; loudly.

Apparently, I thought I was over the emotions; the anger, the frustration, the pain and even the lack of hope sometimes.  What I have just found out is that I wasn’t over anything.  Every time I begin to write a new post depending on the subject of focus I find that my emotions are revved and especially in anger over the way I was treated.

No one should have to go through anything like this, I tell myself over and over.  Why do I still feel this way I wondered; as I reflected on the number of times I had to travel to Delta State to attend court sittings in other to prove that I was legally married to Charles. A marriage ceremony that was well attended by members of both our families upon his death became a bone of contention; people started to tell me that traditions says, a wife is the property of the family where she is married to.  I remember someone asking to take me over as his wife… in the 20^th century!  In a million years if it didn’t happen to me, I would not have believed that these things still happen. Just thinking about it makes me really angry and to think that I thought I was over it all.  Hmmmm.  

So it seems I have lived in anger and bitterness all this time.  Now that I think about it objectively I have avoided everyone that I thought made to feel less than whom I am at the time even though some of them have tried reach out to me. What I realize now is that I was bitter and angry with them all.  Don’t get me wrong, I didn’t do anything to deserve the treatment I received but now I also know it was not in my interest to hold them responsible.

You see, I have a Father who is God, who could have made it all go away or better still ensured it didn’t happen, but He let it happen, and today, I am accepting that He had then and still has the best plan for my life today. However, to access this life now, I know that I must truly let go of the past, forgive them and let God do His perfect work in and through me.

I know you are wondering what this is now about, the truth is nothing has changed in the mandate for comfortofcomfort.  I just don’t want you to wait ten years before you begin to honestly appraise your feelings and reactions. I thought avoiding them was the best thing to do at the time however, I was the one who suffered; it wasn’t going well with my health, it resulted in palpitations whenever I came across any of them.  My journey in forgiveness began the Sunday my Pastor gave a word of knowledge  that there was someone living with bitterness and unforgiveness who must let go and let God have his way.

 I knew immediately I was the one, after a lot of struggle, I finally surrendered, repented and asked for forgiveness, which brought peace back into my life, however the undercurrent of the emotions remained and that is what I am purging myself of by these weekly posts.

How is this useful to you out there?  Don’t let the bad feelings fester; the Bible advises in  Heb 12:15, “LOOKING CAREFULLY LEST ANY MAN FALL  SHORT OF  THE  GRACE  OF GOD; LEST ANY ROOT OF BITTERNESS SPRING UP CAUSE TROUBLE YOU, AND BY THIS  MANY BECOME DEFILED.”

 

 I now understand the scars, because they have become the marks of Christ that I bear and I have resolved to give God room to use my hurt.  As of today I am no longer nurturing a wound by blaming others rather I am using what was a difficult situation the best way, by staying in God’s will and glorifying his name, for God does not waste anything; not even ugly experiences like this one, rather He will use it to bring change and blessing to many around us, and in the process move us into another season.

I make bold to say that I am ready for my next season and pray that you too will let go of the hurt, stay away from those who remind you of how bad it was and set your gaze on God who is able to take any and everything and use it for our good and His glory.

“…and we know that all things work together for the good of them that love God and are called according to His Purpose.”  My Sisters this can only end in purpose if you let God.  May the Spirit of all comfort the Holy Spirit show you the way to get out of the pit.  I give God glory because today I am out of the pit.

Your emails are welcome; confortofcomfort@gmail.com

You are loved 

Peace